Nicole Kidman Put Herself "Through Trauma" While Filming 'Babygirl'

Nicole Kidman has long been known for her dedication to her craft, often pushing herself to the limits in pursuit of authenticity in her roles. However, in a recent conversation with Zendaya for Variety’s "Actors on Actors" series, Kidman opened up about the toll her latest film, Babygirl, took on her mental and physical health. The psychosexual thriller, in which Kidman plays a powerful CEO involved in a complex sub-dom relationship with her intern, was a particularly challenging project, requiring Kidman to dig deep into her emotional reserves, often at the expense of her well-being.

Kidman’s emotional journey throughout the film parallels the taxing experiences she’s had in past roles. Reflecting on Zendaya’s portrayal of Rue in Euphoria, Kidman empathetically remarked on the emotional toll such performances can take. “It’s really taxing going through all of those emotions. Your [body] doesn’t…,” Kidman began, with Zendaya completing the thought, “…know that it’s fake.” Kidman agreed, acknowledging that, in essence, “you’re putting yourself through the trauma” for the sake of realism. For Kidman, this commitment to her craft often means confronting deeply disturbing and difficult emotions, sometimes blurring the line between fiction and reality.

In discussing her role in Babygirl, Kidman revealed the physically and emotionally intense aspects of the character. “There were parts that are now not in the film that we shot that gave me… it was exhausting, but it was also just emotionally disturbing,” she shared. She went on to draw a parallel between her experiences on Babygirl and her time filming Big Little Lies, noting that both roles had left her with real physical bruises. “I would have real bruises all over my back and body,” Kidman recalled. The emotional and physical toll of these roles, she explained, created a sense of disorientation, where it was difficult to distinguish what was real and what was part of the performance.

Kidman’s openness about the emotional burnout she felt while working on Babygirl is not new. After a screening of the film, she shared with the cast and crew how supportive they were in helping her manage the exhaustion. “There was an enormous amount of sharing and trust and then frustration,” Kidman explained. She admitted that there were moments during filming when she reached her emotional limit, saying, “I don’t want to [simulate] orgasm anymore. Don’t come near me. I hate doing this. I don’t care if I am never touched again in my life! I’m over it.” In another interview, she revealed that there were times when the emotional strain was so overwhelming that she couldn’t bear being touched. Yet, despite the pain and discomfort, Kidman was still driven by a compelling desire to stay fully invested in the character. “At some point I was like, I don’t want to do this anymore, but at the same time I was compelled to do it,” she said.

Over the years, Kidman has learned the importance of recovery after such emotionally taxing roles. She now recognizes the need to allow her mind and body time to heal after intense projects. "I’ve done things where they clean my chakras and pray and get out the sage," she told Zendaya. "Honestly, I’ll take whatever so I can step into the next place free, and not scarred or damaged or wounded." For Kidman, this healing process is crucial in maintaining her well-being and avoiding long-lasting trauma. Even something as simple as a massage, she explained, can be incredibly therapeutic, offering a brief but much-needed respite from the emotional burdens of her roles.

Despite the emotional and physical struggles she endured while working on Babygirl, Kidman takes pride in the final product. She sees the film as groundbreaking, especially in terms of its portrayal of a female protagonist in a genre that has traditionally been dominated by male characters. “It’s hopefully pioneering in a sense that it’s a female protagonist in this genre that has primarily been a male protagonist-dominated genre,” she explained during a recent appearance on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. She also pointed out that the film was created through the lens of a female writer-director, which adds another layer of significance to its groundbreaking nature.

While Kidman’s commitment to her roles has sometimes led to personal sacrifices, she recognizes the need to balance her dedication to her craft with her own health and well-being. "I’m still learning not to sacrifice my body for the sake of the art," she confessed. "Having to value who I am, it’s a journey." Kidman’s openness about the struggles she faces as an actor serves as a powerful reminder of the mental and physical toll that intense roles can take on performers, as well as the importance of self-care and boundaries in maintaining long-term success in the industry.

Ultimately, Kidman’s experience on Babygirl highlights the emotional complexity of acting and the vulnerability required to bring such intricate characters to life. It also underscores the importance of recognizing when to step back, heal, and regain balance in order to continue creating meaningful art without sacrificing one’s mental and physical health. Kidman’s willingness to speak candidly about her experiences is both inspiring and enlightening, offering a glimpse into the often-overlooked challenges faced by actors in the pursuit of excellence.